The Past, The Present, The Future Read online

  Bennett shouldered up next to me. “So, you and Corbin?” I shook my head. “But you said...” he paused, giving me an in.

  “I never told him. Why, Bennett? Why didn’t I tell him?” Irrational fears had plagued me, and now, I had lost him.

  “I can’t answer that, bro, but it’s never too late.”

  I glared at him because it was too late. Corbin was gone. How did he not get this? “We need to get home. Mom is worried.”

  He walked away, and I thought about his words. Maybe, just maybe, Bennett had a point. I needed to take this moment and give Corbin what I hadn’t been able to while he was alive. I looked up at the ceiling and whispered, “I love you, Corbin.” I squeezed my eyes tight for a moment before opening them to hurry after my brother.

  Chapter 3

  CORBIN

  I was surrounded by darkness, but I felt his whispered words to the depths of my soul. “He’s special.”

  I looked around at the sound of the voice. “Sorry?”

  “Bryson, he’s special.” I nodded because I didn’t have the right words. Special didn’t even begin to cover it. “How come you never told him how you felt?”

  I squeezed my eyes tight as I prepared myself to admit my greatest fear out loud. I had never told anyone, and while I couldn’t see who was speaking to me, I felt compelled to answer him.

  “I didn’t want to lose him.”

  “Why did you think that you would?”

  I shrugged, unsure of the exact answer. “I don’t know … because he’s Bryson.”

  “Did you have such little faith in him?”

  I shook my head, knowing that wasn’t it at all. “No, I had no faith in myself.” The truth was, I didn’t want to tarnish Bryson’s reputation. Bryson would’ve chosen me, but at what cost?

  “I see,” the voice muttered quietly. “What would you give to have that chance with him?”

  “What?”

  “What would you give to have one chance with him. One chance to lay out all your feelings?”

  “Anything!” I shouted. I wasn’t sure how it would be possible, but I knew I would do anything.

  “One week. Only Bryson and his brother, Bennett, will remember the truth about your death...” he paused, and I jumped in.

  “Is that all?”

  He chuckled, and suddenly came into my view. He was glowing gold, and the light he was emanating filled the darkness, causing it to vanish. “No, Corbin, there’s more. As the week progresses, you’ll need to make Bryson understand that there is someone else out there for him. Someone who needs him more than you ever did.” No one could need Bryson more than I did. He wouldn’t agree, especially since the accident, but he saved me.

  “I have to give him up?” I whispered, hanging my head.

  “Not just give him up but also help him save a life. Help him love someone other than you. Make sure the past can’t repeat itself.”

  I swallowed hard. Bryson was mine. Even though I had never admitted my feelings to him, he had always been mine. “Save a life?”

  “Yes, the life of my grandson.”

  I swallowed again, my mind reeling. I was positive I couldn’t do this, but before I could voice my answer, a scene opened below me.

  “You wretched little shit!” I flinched as a boy my age was struck across the face. My parents weren’t one hundred percent there all the time, but they weren’t ever abusive.

  “Why can’t you be normal? You’re the reason I had to hit your mother!” The man spit on the boy and then stormed off, leaving the boy with tears rolling down his face. He was my age. Bryson’s age.

  He swiped at them angrily. “Stop being a baby, Caiden,” he scolded himself before the scene closed up. He loathed himself. You could see it. I loathed myself, so I got it. I wanted to help, but my heart was breaking apart. Bryson could help him. I knew he could, but could I give him up?

  I couldn’t turn around to face the golden man. “Why does he do that to him?”

  “Because he’s gay.”

  That got my attention, but I still didn’t turn around. “Bryson is supposed to save him?”

  “And love him.” I swallowed hard as he repeated those words. My heart would be destroyed if I let Bryson love someone else, but I was gone, and I needed to be fair to Bryson. He deserved happiness. He deserved to mean as much to someone as they meant to him, which would be a challenge because when he cared, he was all in.

  “Caiden needs him?” I asked, afraid to state it. But the truth had slapped me across the face just as hard as that man had slapped Caiden.

  “So much, Corbin.”

  “One week to tell Bryson everything I was scared to tell him, but then I have to give him up.” It didn’t seem possible.

  “Yes, and help him understand what needs to happen.”

  I squeezed my eyes tight. I didn’t like the idea of Bryson belonging to someone else, but I also knew how loving Bryson was. If anyone could help Caiden, it would be Bryson. “Okay, I’m in.” It was my only choice.

  BRYSON

  I couldn’t fully comprehend everything that happened the week following Corbin’s death. As I stared at myself in the mirror, I knew getting through today would be the hardest yet. Mom had allowed me to stay home from school this past week. Bennett had brought my work. I just couldn’t face anyone. I could barely face myself each morning.

  “You don’t have to speak, honey.” I looked over at my mom standing in my doorway. I knew she wouldn’t get it, not until I said what I had to say, but I had to speak. It wasn’t even an option.

  “Yes, I do.”

  She frowned. “I know Mrs. Mercer asked you to speak, but Bryson─” I shook my head, effectively cutting her off.

  “I’m not doing it for her. I’m doing it for him. I’m doing it for Corbin. I owe him the truth.”

  She walked toward me and cupped my face in her hands. “He meant a lot to you.” I just nodded. She kissed my cheek, “I love you, Bryson.”

  Fresh tears rolled down my face, and she wiped them away. “I miss him, Mom,” I whispered.

  She squeezed me tight. “I know, my precious boy, I know.” There were times when that sentiment bothered me, but today, it was welcomed. Knowing how much Bennett and I meant to her was important to me, despite it sometimes being a little embarrassing.

  I sucked in a breath, trying to calm my emotions as she released me. Today, everyone learned the truth. The truth I hid. Today, I would bare my soul and say goodbye to the person who held my heart. Bare my soul to the only person I could ever love.

  CORBIN

  I waited in the shadows. Today, I was supposed to just listen. Today, I needed to understand the depth of Bryson’s pain. I didn’t want to see him sad. I didn’t like that he was sad because of my stupidity.

  “If you don’t understand his feelings, you’ll never convince him there is someone else.” I looked over at the man who had described himself as Caiden’s grandfather and sighed. Caiden, the boy that was supposed to be Bryson’s forever. Not me, him. It was still something I was trying to wrap my head around. Something I wasn’t sure I wanted to wrap my head around.

  “Do you have a name?” I asked, and he smiled.

  “Leroy,” he answered simply.

  “This is going to be hard,” I admitted. He needed to know that while I was one hundred percent in on this, it wasn’t something that was going to come easy to me.

  “He’ll drown in his sorrow if you fail.” I closed my eyes and nodded. I didn’t want Bryson to hurt. I didn’t want to fail him again. Bryson, above anyone else in my life, deserved happiness.

  “The family tells me Bryson Trevino would like to say a few words.” My eyes opened, and I focused on him. He took a moment to stand and sighed heavily. His mom whispered something to him, but Bryson shook his head, making his way to the podium.

  “Listen,” I reminded myself.

  “My name is Bryson Trevino.” He swallowed hard, and my eyes stayed transfixed on him. “One week
ago, I lost my friend, and I never had the chance to explain how I truly felt, because he was taken from me.” I watched. I listened. I was transfixed. Bryson paused, and swallowed hard.

  “He’s struggling to say what he wants to say,” Leroy said. I nodded, afraid to respond to Leroy’s words.

  “I’m not sure how I didn’t realize it sooner,” Bryson continued. “Maybe I did, and I was scared by it. Scared by what I felt for him.” My eyes adverted from their transfixed state on my best friend.

  “I don’t like that he was scared,” I admitted.

  “Weren’t you scared as well, though?” I couldn’t answer him verbally, so I just nodded.

  “The day of the race, I had vision.” That grabbed my attention, and my eyes snapped back to where he stood. “It was of the crash.” My eyes widened. “I begged him not to race, but he insisted. More than anything, I wish I would have truly listened when he told me he had too...” Bryson looked down and began to sob. He had abruptly stopped his speech. I could feel there was more he wanted to say, but he was wrecked.

  Bennett stood; my heart shattered as I watched him go to Bryson’s side. “Come on, bro, come sit down,” he coaxed, but Bryson shook him off, and Bennett returned to his seat.

  Bryson swallowed hard and wiped his eyes, then spoke again. “I made him promise it would be okay, but it wouldn’t be, because when the moment happened, I denied Corbin what he needed most. My love.” The room gasped, “I love you, Corbin Mercer. I will always love you.” Bryson wiped his eyes and walked back to where his mom and brother were sitting. They both wrapped him in their arms.

  “One week, Corbin.” I nodded, the words stuck in my throat. Letting him go. Convincing him there was someone else. It was going to be impossible. I had listened to his speech as I was supposed to, and I knew I was going to fail.

  “Not possible,” I muttered.

  “One week,” he repeated before I felt him leave me alone.

  Chapter 4

  BRYSON

  Bennett’s arm around my shoulders effectively held me up as we exited the funeral home. Mom had gone over to where the Mercers were standing. I couldn’t go over there.

  “I can’t believe he’s gone,” I whispered.

  Bennett squeezed my shoulder. “I know, bro.” He sighed, “I’m proud of you.”

  “What for?”

  “Your strength; you have a huge heart, Bryson. I know, if I had been in your shoes, I wouldn’t have even agreed to speak.”

  “I owed it to him.”

  Bennett looked my way with a small smile on his face. “You’re special, don’t ever forget that. I see that, and Mercer saw it.” I nodded, and then something caught my eye.

  “My eyes are playing tricks on me.” I squeezed them tight and reopened them, but he was still there. I was certain that I was crazy. There was no possible way that he could be there, yet I saw him standing by a tree. My aching heart wanted me to see him because it missed him.

  “No, Bry, I see him too.” Having Bennett confirm he saw him too made me want to fly toward where I saw Corbin standing.

  CORBIN

  I waited, leaning up against the tree. Only they could see me right now, and see me, they did. Bryson took a step and then another, Bennett following behind. I wanted to run to him, but I remained rooted in place, reminding myself I had one week. One week to make things right between us, and then, I’d have to let him go. Making things right wasn’t going to be an easy task. More than keeping my feelings from him, I had kept much more hidden.

  “Corbin,” he breathed, wrapping me in a tight hug.

  I returned the embrace. I had longed for this. Longed for this connection with him, but I had to remind myself, again, he was no longer mine. “Caiden,” I whispered, not intending for him to hear me, but I knew he did because I felt him stiffen. He pulled back, glaring at me.

  “Excuse me?”

  I closed my eyes. “I love you, Bryson.”

  “Who is Caiden?” he snapped. I knew his emotions were raw right now. Hell, mine were too. I needed him to know my heart first, and silently prayed he’d be able to let me drop Caiden for the moment.

  I squeezed him tight. “I love you,” I repeated.

  His arms went back around me. “I love you too.”

  My eyes opened, and I saw just past Bennett, their mom ending her conversation with my parents. “Tonight,” I whispered, kissing his cheek.

  “Corbin, wait!” he called out as I allowed the darkness to pull me back.

  BRYSON

  I hung my head. My body and mind completely spent. “You okay?” I could hear the caution in my brother’s tone.

  I shook my head. “I’ll likely never be okay again.” Bennett squeezed me to his side, providing a quiet strength. “Can we go home now?” I choked out. “I need to be alone.”

  “Yeah, Bry, let’s go.” He led me toward Mom and the Mercers.

  Mrs. Mercer hugged me when we stopped in front of them, but I couldn’t bring myself to hug her back. I didn’t have the strength. She released me and frowned. Mr. Mercer stuck out his hand. I stared at it for a while before walking away.

  “I’m so sorry.” I heard my mother say. “Bryson Andrew Trevino, get back here.” I kept walking.

  “Mom, don’t,” Bennett said, defending me.

  “I’m sorry, his emotions are raw right now.”

  “Bennett,” my mother warned. I walked faster. I didn’t want to hear anymore. I hit the grass just before the parking lot, and my legs failed me. I crashed to the ground. I couldn’t breathe. I sobbed. My chest hurt. I didn’t want to live without him.

  “Please come back to me,” I pleaded. “Please. I need you.”

  Hands pulled on me, standing me up, but I nearly crumbled again. “I got you. I got you, bro.” He steadied me, and I was grateful for his strength in my moment of weakness.

  CORBIN

  When the darkness fell, I used the weird power I now had to place myself in Bryson’s room. He had a dim light on. As I watched him silently, I didn’t see my best friend. My strength for so long. My rock. He was breaking apart right in front of my eyes. I didn’t want him to hurt. I didn’t like that I had caused this.

  I walked quietly toward him and slowly rested my hand on his back. “Don’t cry, Bry,” I whispered. His head shot up and he met my eyes with his.

  He sat up, carefully studying me. Under his watchful gaze, I shivered. “I’m going to kiss you,” he rasped, before he placed a light feathery kiss on my lips.

  I pulled back and wrapped him in my arms. “I’ve wanted that for so long, Bryson,” I admitted quietly.

  He pulled away from our embrace. “Who is Caiden?”

  I closed my eyes and sighed. “Can we talk about us first?”

  “Us?” he said, the shock registering across his face. I opened my eyes and nodded, afraid of my own voice. “But...”

  “I know, Bry,” I whispered.

  “I don’t understand, Corbin.”

  I sat down next to him on the bed, pulling his hand into mine. “You said you feared the truth today. Why?” I looked straight ahead, afraid to see the look in his eyes as he spoke.

  He sighed. “I didn’t understand my feelings. I was sure I shouldn’t have felt the way I did about you, but I couldn’t shake the feelings either. I was confused. Afraid no one would understand, and then, I’d get mad at myself for caring what others would think. Everything was a jumbled mess; I couldn’t even begin to sort through it. Then, you were gone, and everything became crystal clear.”

  I nodded; I understood that. My feelings tended to be a jumbled mess as well. “I’ve known for a while that I was gay.” I felt Bryson’s eyes snap my way, but I continued to look forward. “I was bullied for it severely. Then I met you, and everything fell into this weird, comfortable place. You didn’t judge me. As our friendship grew, so did my feelings, but we were on opposite ends of the social order. I didn’t want to lose you. Losing you would’ve destroyed me, so I hid my feelings bec
ause I was afraid of what would happen if the truth came out. I heard the talk about me. I’ve heard things from the baseball players, and even from Bennett. I didn’t want to put you in a position to choose.”

  His hand went to my chin, and he brought my eyes to his. “I would’ve chosen you always. I might not have completely understood the feelings I was having, but I would’ve chosen you. Always, Corbin.” He leaned forward and kissed me again, this time the kiss lasted longer, and I found myself melting into him. My dreams were finally coming true, despite how short-lived they would have to be.

  BRYSON

  When the kiss broke, I could see everything I wanted staring back at me. I could see my future, but then, I remembered Corbin was dead. He couldn’t be my future. “Who is Caiden?” I asked again, hoping he wouldn’t dodge the question again. When he had spoken his name earlier, I knew he never intended for me to hear it, but hear I did, and I couldn’t let it go now.

  Corbin took a deep breath and let it out before speaking. “Caiden is the future. He’s your future.”

  I began to shake my head. No way!

  “Bryson, listen to me.”

  “No, you listen to me!” I shouted, jumping up. “You’re it for me.”

  “Bryson, you can’t have me. I’m gone.”

  I looked down at him still sitting on the bed. “You promised me you’d be careful,” I whispered, feeling the fight leave me. “I don’t want someone else, Corbin.”

  I felt him stand and then, I was in his arms. “I’m so sorry, Bryson. I would reverse time if I could, but I can’t.”

  I wanted to reverse time as well. I wanted to go back to that night. I wanted to drag him away from the race. I wanted to tell him about my vision. I wanted to change the past.

  I squeezed him tight. “You’re here now.”

  “I’m here now,” he whispered, kissing my cheek. For a moment, time stood still. Corbin was here. My world was right again.