The Past, The Present, The Future Read online

  Copyright ©

  Amanda Kay, Author

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by means mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission from the publisher.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and events are fictitious in every regard. Any similarities to actual events or persons, living or dead are purely coincidental. Any trademarks, service marks, product names or featured names are assumed to be the property of their respective owners and are used only for reference. There is no implied endorsement if any of these terms are used. Except for review purposes, the reproduction of this book in whole or in part, mechanically or electronically, constitutes a copyright violation.

  Published in the United States of America in December 2020;

  Copyright 2020 by Amanda Kay.

  The right of the Authors Name to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted by them in accordance with The Copyright, Designs and Patent Act of 1988.

  Published by Amanda Kay, Kingsnake Publishing

  Cover By: Concierge Literacy Designs

  Interior formatting and design by Amanda Kay/Brenda Wright

  Copyright 2020 © Kingsnake Publishing & Amanda Kay

  Language: English

  A Note to Readers

  Often, when I think characters are done talking, they start speaking again with a vengeance. Bryson and Caiden have done that recently, and it is because of that, that I’ve decided to listen. I’ve adjusted The Past and have continued this story so near and dear to my heart, as Bryson and Caiden move on from High School and face the Real World.

  Disclaimer

  This book deals with several issues, including drug use, illegal street racing, abuse, and discrimination.

  Dedication

  For all those fighting to be recognized for who they are, and for all those who just want to feel accepted.

  Table of Contents

  The Past – Bryson & Corbin – The End is the Beginning

  CHAPTER 1

  CHAPTER 2

  CHAPTER 3

  CHAPTER 4

  CHAPTER 5

  CHAPTER 6

  CHAPTER 7

  CHAPTER 8

  CHAPTER 9

  The Present – Bryson & Caiden – Finding a Path

  CHAPTER 10

  CHAPTER 11

  CHAPTER 12

  CHAPTER 13

  CHAPTER 14

  CHAPTER 15

  CHAPTER 16

  CHAPTER 17

  CHAPTER 18

  CHAPTER 19

  CHAPTER 20

  CHAPTER 21

  CHAPTER 22

  CHAPTER 23

  CHAPTER 24

  CHAPTER 25

  CHAPTER 26

  CHAPTER 27

  CHAPTER 28

  CHAPTER 29

  CHAPTER 30

  CHAPTER 31

  The Future – Bryson & Caiden – Moving on

  CHAPTER 32

  CHAPTER 33

  CHAPTER 34

  CHAPTER 35

  CHAPTER 36

  CHAPTER 37

  CHAPTER 38

  CHAPTER 39

  CHAPTER 40

  I.

  THE PAST

  Bryson and Corbin

  The End is the Beginning

  Chapter 1

  BRYSON

  It was race night. I had been coming here with my brother since the moment he had gotten his license. Mom wouldn’t have liked this at all, but Bennett didn’t ever race. I had my license now, but I was never going to race either.

  “Sure you don’t want to race, Bry?” I looked up to find Kenedy standing in front of me.

  I slid back so that I was sitting on the hood of my car and shook my head. “I’ll pass, Ken. I’d like to keep my position on the team.”

  “Your loss.” I chuckled, however he wanted to spin it, I knew what was important. I replaced him on the team when he got hurt, and now, the team was headed to the district finals in a week. No way was I screwing up my position. “Fine,” he huffed, “is Mercer coming?”

  I shrugged. “Who knows?” I wasn’t sure where Corbin was, but I secretly hoped he had changed his mind about this. I wanted to call him and tell him to meet me somewhere else. I needed to talk with him, and I didn’t want him to race. I trusted him though; if Corbin felt like he needed this, I’d back him in the end. It was what I did, and until the day I died, I would have his back no matter what.

  “If he doesn’t, it’ll mean he chickened out,” Kenedy laughed.

  I shook my head again. “Knock it off, Kenedy. He only got his license today.” Why he wanted to do this today, I had no clue, but it was Corbin.

  Kenedy laughed harder, “Maybe he didn’t pass.” I jumped up, clocking Kenedy with a right hook. “Damn it, Bryson!” he hissed. I was just as shocked as he was. Why had I done that? For years, I listened to people spew crap about Corbin and I never said a thing. Hell, I’d even heard my own brother saying shit. I was the worst friend on the planet; it felt good to get a little justice. Corbin was a great guy; if only he would allow people to see the Corbin I saw instead of The Merce Man.

  I was huffing, my blood was boiling. “You’re an ass,” I seethed.

  Hands pressed down on my shoulders, and I fought against them. I wasn’t done with Kenedy yet. “Calm down, bro.” I whipped my head around, finding my brother, Bennett. He was an ass too, and if he said another word, I’d deck him too.

  I glared for a moment, trying to find the words I wanted to say, but they didn’t come, so instead, I stormed away, leaving them both stunned, standing in front of my car. Where was Corbin? We had to get out of here. I closed my eyes and an image hit me hard.

  Corbin racing Kenedy and then...

  CRASH

  My eyes shot open. No, no way was he racing now. I couldn’t lose him. I wouldn’t lose him. He was my best friend, but he was more, too. I just needed the right moment to tell him what he truly meant to me. I needed the right time to tell him that I was in love with him. Was that what I wanted to say? Did I love him like that? “No Bryson, no more doubts. See it through.” I had been battling my conflicting feelings for a year now, but I knew in my heart that I was meant to be with Corbin. I couldn’t imagine anyone else.

  Did that make me gay? If it did, I didn’t care anymore. We’d blow this joint, and I’d confess everything to him. It was risky, but he was worth the risk.

  CORBIN

  I watched and listened as Kenedy verbally attacked me and laughed at me. I was used to it. I never understood it, but I had accepted it. At least I had Bryson, and that had been enough for three years now, but day by day, my feelings grew more intense, and our friendship was no longer enough. I had always been gay. I knew the day I met Bryson who I was, but I couldn’t risk our friendship.

  When I was in everyone’s presence, I put up a front. The Merce Man. Up close, they loved me, but when they thought I wasn’t around, they teased me just as I had become accustomed to. All of them: Kenedy, Bennett, nearly the whole school. All except Bryson. He had been my one true friend. The one person who saw what I was and didn’t laugh at me. No judgement. No expectations.

  Except, I had hidden from him as well. I couldn’t share with him the complete me because I feared losing my only friend. So, I showed him just enough. Things had been different lately. There were times where I caught Bryson staring at me. My heart would begin to hammer in my chest, and I would look away. I had hoped I had been reading him right. I was sure I was, but I couldn’t admit it completely. No, if I did that and I was wrong, I’d lose the most important person in the
world to me. Losing him wasn’t an option and so, in an effort to help my anxiety, I did something stupid.

  No matter what I did, it always felt like they all saw the secret I held so very close to my heart. I was gay. I had always known that, and there was just one person I dreamed about. Bryson. I wasn’t worthy of him. He was a huge baseball star for the school, and I didn’t want to be in the way. And then, I did another stupid thing.

  So, I quietly pined away for him. The gut-wrenching fear that he would one day see what I didn’t want him to, led me to reckless choices. But, right now, in this moment, after seeing him defend me, I wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and kiss him. I reached into my pocket and fished out another one of my mom’s anxiety pills. I think this was the fourth pill in three hours. I was slowly becoming addicted to the pills and it was hard to admit that, but I needed them.

  Bryson affected me in ways I couldn’t explain, and tonight, my anxiety was off the charts. I took a deep breath and then snuck up behind him. “I’m going to kick ass.” My Merce Man persona firmly in place. I didn’t have to be this character in front of him, but I needed to be at certain times, and this was one of those times.

  He whipped around and his eyes held fear in them. “Don’t race. Let’s blow this joint.”

  I shook my head. “No way, man. I’m not chickening out.” If I was going to be worthy of him, I had to do this. I had to race. I had to win. The clout would make it so much easier to confess my feelings. When we walked in the hallway, hand in hand, no one would bat an eye. No one would say Bryson deserved better. Even if I did win, he deserved better.

  He bit his lip, and I could see the wheels turning. “Corbin, you don’t have to prove anything to these jerks.” I had so much to prove and I didn’t think I’d be able to express to him my reasonings.

  “I want to prove it to myself,” I whispered. I needed him to get this. I was pleading with him. Begging him to get it because there wasn’t any other explanation I could give. Because the other one would risk our relationship, and I wouldn’t be able to handle that.

  He took my hand and squeezed it, surprising me. My eyes shot down to our joined hands. “Please, Corbin,” he begged.

  I looked back up at the face of my best friend. I had never wanted to kiss him more than I did right now. I wanted to go. To blow this joint, as he put it, but if I did that, I’d never be worthy of him. “Bry, I have to.”

  He swallowed hard, wrapping his arms around me tightly. I squeezed him back. “Be careful.”

  I closed my eyes and fought for that guy I pretended to be. He had vanished, and I needed him to fight past the emotions Bryson was bringing out in me. My resolve was crumbling, and if we stood like this much longer, I would completely let my mask fall.

  “I’m always careful,” I said with a smirk as I pulled away, running my hands along my jeans.

  “Cocky arse,” Bryson laughed as he placed his hands firmly on my shoulders, “but seriously, be careful.”

  I nodded, hugging him again. “I will be.” I pulled away with the words I love you stuck in my throat. If only I felt like those words would be accepted, I could say them.

  I chanced a look back at him as I neared my car. Once I was safely inside, I took another pill, that was five, right? Damn, I couldn’t remember. As I pulled my car up to the starting line, I looked for Bryson. Bennett was standing near him now, but Bryson’s stance was off. Normally, he and his brother had a good relationship and, truth be told, I had a good one with him as well, when he wasn’t with his senior friends. The difference between Bryson and Bennett is that Bryson stood up for me. Bryson never participated in the talking behind my back. Bryson was my savior. The only person who kept me from drowning. He would never see that though.

  I thought about his offer. I wanted to drive away with him. Kenedy revved the engine of his car, snapping my thoughts back to reality. To race or not to race? If I didn’t race, I knew exactly what would happen at school come Monday. I looked back to Bryson, who was standing with his arms crossed, staring my way. I told myself this was for us. If I beat Kenedy, I would be cool. I would be worthy of Bryson. I would rush to him and kiss him hard and pray with all my might that he felt the same way. With those final thoughts, I revved my engine and took one last pill.

  Chapter 2

  BRYSON

  I stood motionless, unable to shake the vision I’d had. I listened as both guys revved their engines and then took off. Something was off with Corbin’s driving, though. I couldn’t fully comprehend it, but it looked to me like he was fighting for control.

  “Come on, Corbin,” I whispered. “You promised me.” Nothing could happen to him. My feelings for him started to become clearer. The fog over my feelings was lifting, and nothing could happen to him. I needed him.

  “What’s wrong with Mercer?” Bennett asked, standing beside me, Kimber at his side.

  I shook my head. “I don’t know.”

  Kimber huffed, drawing my attention. “He seems intoxicated.” My eyes widened and I looked back toward the race. While we talked, he seemed normal, he seemed like himself. Like Corbin. Cocky arse and all.

  He was all over the place although he had finally pulled in front of Kenedy. “No. No, Kimber, he can’t be.” I knew Corbin took risks, but they were all superficial. I knew that, even if I didn’t understand why he felt he needed to do silly stunts; I also knew he was never truly at risk. Getting behind the wheel, if he were intoxicated, wasn’t something he would do. Would he?

  “It’s not impossible, bro. He’s all over the place.” I glared at my brother. I wanted to scream at him. Corbin was not under the influence of something, but before the words left my mouth, my world changed.

  CRASH!

  I whipped my gaze back to the dirt track just in time to see Corbin’s car roll. “Corbin!” I raced to the fence where his car now rested. “Corbin!” I hit my knees and peered into the car. I could see the blood. “No, Corbin! No!” I screamed, tears scalding my face.

  “Help is coming, Bry,” my brother’s voice rang out, but deep inside, I knew he was gone. He hadn’t moved. He hadn’t made a sound. Just as things came into focus for me, everything was stripped away from me.

  CORBIN

  I knew I needed to pull over. I was fighting for control of my car. I promised Bryson I’d be careful. I had pulled in front of Kenedy; I was so close to winning, but everything was growing blurry. I fought to stay in control of my car and my body, but I was slowly losing. As everything began to fade away, I whispered, “I’m sorry, Bry.” Just then, everything went black.

  My breathing became labored, and I fought to hang on. His voice was salvation, but it wasn’t enough to keep me from drowning. “Corbin!”

  After hearing my name on his lip’s, darkness surrounded me and pulled me under. When I woke up, I didn’t feel awake, and I wasn’t sure why. I walked toward a light and was met with a horrific sight, and even more horrific words.

  “I think we’ve lost him, doc.” I glanced around the room in a panic as machines beeped, a flat line catching my full attention as it moved across the screen.

  I ran my hands down my body. I was right here, but there on the table, I wasn’t moving. “No!” I screamed, willing them to hear me. To look at me. “I’m right here!” Everyone scurried around, but no one looked my way.

  “Shock him,” the doctor ordered as I stood in the corner helpless.

  “Please,” I whispered, falling back against the wall. “Not like this.”

  “Again!” the doctor shouted, but as they shocked me for the second time, my body remained lifeless. “One more time.”

  I closed my eyes. “Come on, fight. You have to fight, for Bry.” But my pleas to my motionless body were futile. My eyes opened and the line remained flat.

  “It’s too late,” a voice echoed around me, and I crashed to the floor, darkness pulling me in once again.

  Would Bryson ever know how much he truly meant to me? “I love you, Bry,” I whisp
ered to the emptiness that surrounded me. Reality finally sank in. I was dead.

  BRYSON

  I saw the moment the doctor came out. I watched as he walked over to Corbin’s parents, and I saw the moment when both his mom and dad lost it. It all felt surreal; like I was watching it outside of my own body.

  “He’s gone,” I whispered. “He can’t be gone.” Already on my knees, I prayed hard, as everything fogged up again. This was a dream. It had to be a dream. “No!” I screamed.

  My whole body was shaking. I felt someone kneel beside me and gather me into their arms. “It’s going to be okay, Bry.” My brother’s voice sad and shaken. Me, however, I wasn’t shaken, I wasn’t even sad. I was destroyed. Nothing could fix the pain I felt. Bennett would try, but nothing would fix this.

  “It’s not okay,” I cried, “it’ll never be okay.” My body shook harder, and I sucked in a breath but got no air. “He never knew I loved him.”

  I felt Bennett’s body freeze up. I knew it was too late to admit my feelings, but I had to get them out. If Bennett pulled away from me, I knew I wouldn’t survive. I pulled back and stared at him. “I loved him, Bennett. I still love him.” My brother remained silent but pulled me back into his arms. His actions spoke volumes to me. He was here for me, no matter what. Quietly, he tried to comfort me, but I couldn’t be comforted. Not with my heart shattered.

  “Bryson?” I swallowed hard at her voice as I pulled away from my brother, and shakily got to my feet.

  “Mrs. Mercer.” I could barely look at her. Why didn’t I stop him? I should’ve stopped him. That vision was a warning sign, and I failed him. “I let him down,” I whispered.

  She pulled me into a hug. “No, Bryson, no. You saved him.” The tears poured out of my eyes harder. If only she knew the truth.

  “I didn’t stop him. I should’ve stopped him,” I sobbed against her.

  She pulled back. I waited for her to scream and berate me, but to my surprise, she cupped my face in her hands. “My Corbin would’ve been lost a long time ago, but then he met you. Bryson Trevino, you saved him. He loved you so much.” She kissed my cheek, leaving me stunned. He loved me. Like I loved him? I had never wanted the sentiment to be truer, yet at the same time, I didn’t want it to be true, because he was gone now, and we would never get our chance. It was too late.