Past & Present Collide Read online

  If you are reading this then I have finally decided the time had come to tell you about the house. I hope that the fact that you are at the house means you aren’t that mad at me for keeping this from you.

  The corners of her mouth turned up, Derek was so hard to stay mad at especially when he phrased things that way. She couldn’t stay mad at him if she wanted to. It was something she could never explain except to say that he just had that effect on her. She returned her green gaze to his words hoping to get some answers from him now.

  What you want now are answers I get that. I won’t give them all to you, but I will try to explain my reasoning a little bit. You have seemed so sad, and lost lately my love. Every time we go to a wedding vendor I can’t help but notice unease in your eyes. I don’t know what is going on and I hope you can find a way to explain it me so that I may understand. I only want you happy, and I thought this house could be a step in the right direction. I fear this unease could drive you away from me and our future. I can only hope that doesn’t happen. I want you to know I will do anything absolutely anything to give you what you need, even if that is a postponement in our wedding until you are ready.

  All My Love,

  Derek

  She stared at his words her eyes glossing over. She never realized that her unease had been so displayed in front of him. She felt guilty he thought he could lose her, but the truth was she knew that was a very real possibility for her at this present moment.

  She began to search the hutch behind her hoping that maybe he had left her a pen and some paper to write with and write on. She finally found in a drawer of the hutch a beautiful old-fashioned stationary and pen set. Definitely not left by Derek but something she could express herself on. She took the set over to the dining room table. A million thoughts were running through her head. She knew she had to express to him how she had been feeling and it would convey to him some of his worst fears. However, she resolved to herself the time had come he understood where her head was at.

  Dearest Derek,

  I got your letters and the key to the house. It is beautiful, but I do wish you had discussed it with me first. I feel guilty that you felt you had to do this based on things you were feeling from me. However, the truth is what you were sensing from me was not a fluke. The truth is lately I have been feeling so lost and confused and the closer the wedding gets and the more people talk about it the worse the feelings get for me.

  I believe I just need time to sort through the mess in my head and in my heart. I love you so very much of this I have no doubt. I guess I am just asking for a little bit of faith and patience. Oh yea, and when you call and write ease up on the wedding talk just a bit.

  I Miss You and Love You,

  Kylie

  She sealed the envelope and walked it to the mailbox an overwhelming sense of guilt washing over her. She knew this letter was going to make all of his bad thoughts come to life and she didn’t want it to affect his work. However, she justified with herself that he already knew something was going on with her and this was just finally expressing it all to him. It was a way to put it all out there. Secretly she hoped this would be the start of the clearing of her head so her and Derek could begin their lives as planned.

  Placing the letter in the mail she turned back to the house and smiled deciding to take Derek’s advice and move in. She slowly made her way back to her car so she could go get some of her things.

  Sighing as she pulled out of the drive “This house is perfect.” She whispered to herself as the house left her sight.

  Chapter 3

  It had been two weeks since she sent her letter off to Derek. Kylie often found herself on the porch swing of the house he had bought for them staring at the old initials that represented theirs. Somehow sitting there looking at those initials brought comfort to the torture going on inside of her. She didn’t know why she has been so confused yet, but she planned on taking the promise she had made in her letter to figure things out very seriously.

  Staring at the initials lost in her thoughts; she jumped when her cell phone rang, glancing at the number she knew it was going to be Derek. She took a deep breath and answered it.

  “Hello Derek, how have you been?” She knew he would be anything but fine if he had received her letter. She was only trying to delay the guilt she knew she was going to feel when he laid out his feelings.

  He wore his emotions on his sleeve especially when it came to her, so she knew this conversation was going to get hard for both of them very quickly.

  He sighed, “I would be lying to you if I told you I was fine Kylie.”

  He paused allowing her to brace herself for what he was about to say hoping she could set his mind at ease.

  “I received your letter two days ago. I have read it a hundred times trying to decide how to proceed. I came to only one conclusion, and scares me to admit it. We aren’t going to be getting married in October are we?”

  Her head dropped and she inhaled a long breath before letting it out trying to fight back the tears as she spoke. “I don’t know Derek that’s a decision I haven’t made yet.” She paused before continuing no longer fighting the tears now freely flowing down her face. “I love you Derek,” choking on her words, “I don’t question that, and I don’t question your love and devotion for me.” She cried.

  “Oh sweet Kylie, please don’t cry,” she smiled sadly, wiping some of the tears away but it didn’t relieve the guilt. He was so sad and now he was comforting her instead of worrying about his own feelings.

  “Kylie I love you, I do. I love you with all of my heart, but I’m always selfish when it comes to you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He swallowed back his own sorrow, “I can give you whatever you want my dear even if that means postponing our wedding till you’re ready.”

  The tears began down her face heavily, because she knew he meant every word of what he had just said to her. He would gladly postpone the wedding for her even though she knew that wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to marry her as soon as he was able to.

  “Derek I want to marry you too. I truly do, I just need my head right first. I hope it doesn’t take a postponement, but thank you for the offer I will consider it.” She was breaking.

  “I don’t either.” He whispered but she heard him and her heart only broke more. She needed to change the subject before they both just broke completely.

  “I really love the house Derek. I feel relaxed here.” She meant every word she spoke too. She truly did love the house and in a strange way to did comfort her.

  She felt his smile before he spoke, “I’m glad my love. I was hoping you would.”

  She smiled and felt peace for the first time since the conversation began. He spoke again breaking the silence that was calming her.

  “Kylie, I go to go duty is calling, I love you.” She could tell he wanted to say more, but no longer wanted to go back to the beginning of the conversation.

  “I love you too, please take care I couldn’t handle it if something happened to you.” She meant those words if something happened to him she would be devastated.

  “I promise,” and just like that he was gone.

  Placing her phone down next to her, she pushed off the porch with her feet to start a slow relaxing sway. Laying her head back against the swing. She sighed finally letting a different emotion than guilt and heartache wash over her, ANGER at no one but herself.

  Chapter 4

  “What were you thinking? DAMN IT Kylie!” She cursed aloud to herself mad that she had let Derek go through the pain he was going through. She closed her eyes trying to relax again.

  She smiled when she a familiar face came into her mind, Derek. He was walking up to her at the coffee house where they met. He walked straight up to her and introduced himself.

  “Hi I’m Derek.” He out-stretching his hand to her.

  She swallowed before returning his gesture finally looking up into those big brown eyes that captivated her from this moment, and every moment of her life afterwards.

  “Do you have a name?” He asked staring back into her green eyes not letting go of her hand.

  She blushed realizing she hadn’t introduced herself due to the fact that he had taken her breath away when her eyes landed on him.

  She nodded, “Yes its Kylie, nice to meet you Derek.”

  “Pretty name for a pretty girl,” he winked at her glancing over to the seat across from her. “Is this seat taken?”

  Retrieving her hand finally she simply smiled and waved to the empty seat. He sat down and they talked forever it seemed like at least. Before leaving he asked for her number, and she willingly gave it to him.

  He kissed her on the cheek and exited the coffee shop. As she watched him leave she knew that was it, she was done looking for love. She had found it, and she only hoped he had felt the same way.

  She smiled as she slowly returned to reality wondering why when everything had been so perfect since that first meeting she was now facing doubts about their future. Just maybe she began to think, just maybe that was the problem; things had always been just way too perfect. They fought like normal couples, but for the most part everything had always fit together just right, without so much as a second thought for either of them.

  As the night air began to surround her she decided to retreat to the house for the evening. Taking one last look as she entered the house at the one place she gained the most serenity and ease, THE SWING.

  Chapter 5

  July and August passed into September without any sense of the confusion Kylie had been feeling wavering. If anything it had gotten worse mostly due to the fact that when Derek did write his letters were very brief. She became afraid that he was giving up on their happy ending. And that didn’
t help her own confused emotions. It tortured her when she read his letters because she could feel his heart breaking, and she knew she was the only one that could stop it. She just didn’t know how to.

  She tried to reassure him in her letters back to him, but he hadn’t been buying it and that only crushed her more. He didn’t call, but she was happy he was at least still writing, and she wasn’t going to give up on figuring things out. She wanted to be with Derek and she was going to stand by her words.

  One September evening she decided to do some digging through the house. She had been feeling something calling out to her and she was hoping it would help answer her questions. She finally came across two decorative boxes under the bed in the master bedroom.

  She pulled them out and set them on the bed crawling in moments later to examine them.

  She thumbed over the names reading them to herself slowly ‘KAYLIE’ on one box and ‘DAVID’ on the other. She closed her eyes and pictured a young couple carving their initials into the very porch swing she loved. She knew the moment she saw them that they were going to play a pivotal role in helping her muddle through the doubts. However, staring at these two boxes created a new world of emotion around her that she couldn’t even begin to describe. She lifted the lid of the box labeled with Kaylie’s name and began staring at its contents. There were pictures beyond pictures of a young couple that looked beyond happy and so very much in love. She wondered as she stared at these pictures what happened to this couple.

  Being curious she lifted the lid of the other box. Kylie laid the lid labeled David right next to the one labeled Kaylie. She saw some more pictures and picked them up laying them across the bed with the others. It was what was underneath the pictures peeking out that caught her attention ‘LETTERS’. She pulled the top letter from the box and began to read it.

  My Dearest Kaylie,

  I know I haven’t written since I left for the war and for that I am truly sorry my love. This is the first chance I have gotten. I miss you so much Kaylie and I am so sorry we had to postpone our wedding. I have been told my company won’t be over here much longer as we have almost fulfilled the needs for us. This means we can get married very soon my dearest. Nothing in this world would make me happier than to marry you as soon possible. I will write again soon and I hope I get to hear from you.

  All my love,

  David

  She smiled because his words reminded her so much of Derek’s and she knew she had to read Kaylie’s words back to him. Although a growing fear in her told her it would feel very much like reading her own words. She pulled the first letter from Kaylie’s box and began to read.

  My Dearest David,

  I received your letter today and I was both overjoyed and confused. I love you with all of my heart, but I am glad we were able to have this time apart. It has given me time to think about us and our future. I love you of that I am sure, but I worry that marriage might not be the right thing for us at this moment. I have been told so many things the last few months that made my head very clouded with mixed thoughts and emotions. I am using this time to sort through it all so that we can begin our lives together hopefully when you get back, but please be patient with me as I figure out not only my head but my heart as well. You have always been there for me and I want to be there for you too, but I need time to just sort through the mess. This by no means is a goodbye letter it is a please keep writing letter and forgive me as I process things while you are away.

  Please be careful over there I wouldn’t want to receive news that you have been hurt as that would devastate me, because despite my confusion I still love you very much. I promise I will have everything figured out by the time you return from the war. I am asking for a little patience. I believe you are very capable of giving that to me. Take care my love I will see you soon.

  Yours,

  Kaylie

  Her eyes welled up with tears as she read the words seeing that another young woman had lived in this house with the man she loved yet was having the same confused thoughts and emotions about the next step ‘MARRIAGE’. It cut Kylie deeply reading Kaylie’s words.

  She knew from David’s first letter the he was so very much in love with Kaylie much like Derek was with her, so she knew David did not leave this letter unanswered. Her green eyes shifted focus back to David’s box. Slowly lifting the next letter from the box she took a deep breath before unfolding it to read.

  My Dearest Kaylie,

  I understand the confusion you have been feeling, I know there has been a lot of pressure on you to do this. I hope you figure things out and I am your ultimate choice. I don’t want to lose you, but I am also willing to wait till you are ready. Please know I am sorry if you ever felt pressured by me to get married I only wanted to make you happy. I hope I still get that chance. I really don’t know what else to say, so I will just say I love you Kaylie don’t ever forget that.

  David

  The tears didn’t stop they were flowing freely down her face. His words so beautiful for a man, so much in love and also a man whose heart was breaking into pieces as he thought about losing his one true love. She leaned her head back against the headboard and closed her eyes for a moment gathering her thoughts before reaching for the last letter in Kaylie’s box.

  She didn’t know what to expect as she unfolded it, but she was hoping for some sign that love can conquer all.

  Chapter 6

  Dearest David,

  Please know that these next words won’t be easy for me at all. I have indeed had enough time to sort through the mess and I now know that I can’t do this. I love you I truly do and if one day we find our way back to each other it would be the most amazing reunion I could ever imagine. For now though I need to spread my wings and grow.

  I won’t tell you where I am going because I know you will try to find me. Know this is not easy for me because I do love you so, but I have to live my life and I know I can’t marry you right now. Please forgive me for any heartache I may have caused you in this process.

  I love you always.

  Goodbye,

  Kaylie

  Kylie found herself lost in a sea of tears now as she examined the pictures she had scattered on the bed. She couldn’t imagine what had gone wrong for this couple that looked so perfect and so much in love in these photos.

  She sighed again, perfection who could’ve guessed it would be the ultimate problem. As she pondered that thought. A newspaper article in David’s box caught her eye.

  The article was dated May 1942. As she read over the headline she realized what it was. It was a story reporting a suicide, not just any suicide though, David’s suicide. She skimmed over the article and understood the meaning real quickly and clearly. He had killed himself over a broken heart. After waiting a few months hoping Kaylie would return he realized she was never coming back, and he couldn’t handle it.

  The article said his dying wish was to be buried under the oak tree on the property in case she ever came back. It was a wish that had been honored.

  She winced a little at those words not sure how she felt about a dead body on the property, but also admitted to herself it was romantic, hopelessly romantic.

  She returned the photos and letter to their corresponding boxes and placed the lid back on David’s box setting it aside. Kaylie’s box was still calling to Kylie and she knew she had to explore the contents more. Under where the photos and letters had been was a small decorative notebook, a journal, Kaylie’s journal.

  She took the journal from the box laying it on the bed next her closing up Kaylie’s box and setting it next to David’s box. She stared at the two boxes for while with a deep sadness washing over her. It was a sadness washing over her a hundred times more than when she had read the letters. She felt a connection somehow with this couple, but even more so with Kaylie.

  She finally let her eyes wander back to the journal on the bed and settled in preparing to read Kaylie’s innermost thoughts. She still hung to some hope that Kaylie’s words would be able to give her some clarity with her thoughts. Plus, she was had become intrigued with the young couple she had never known and had to know more.